The Day of the Stealing Bread and Milk

Warning: The goods were stolen accidentally though there is some element of moral shadiness.

I hate tourists as a rule. I hate the way they're dumb enough to get ripped off, I hate the way they clog up the Underground standing on the wrong side of the escalators, I hate they use their excessive wealth to fund trips to see dumb exhibits like the '18th century chipped tooth of King Whoever the 7th'.

My annoyance at them not being able to 'get things' and holding up queues while people try to explain the intricacies of the Oyster Card is thrown back in my face when I am the dumb one. Dumb is quite a good word to use actually I think because you are quite literally dumb in their lingo.

Ah whatever, stupid story waste of time. Summary: tall long blond haired hair man smiled and bought all my stuff for me out of his stupidity and/or ignorance. I left. I have the receipt to prove the supermarket was paid for my goods. Just not by me...

I did walk around the rest of the trip very paranoid he was going to find me and demand the 150 Kroners back.

God I HATE being back, everything about it, I hate.

Norway was a piece of Paradise. Beautiful days of solitude to stare and ... play solitaire. :) Alone in the quiet quiet wooden house. Until the family returned and the Loneliness began, surrounded by people.

The Day of Flirting with Happiness

I'm flirting with happiness today. I'd better make the most of it because Gloom is bound to find out about my illicit affair and wrestle Happiness out of my arms, leaving me withoiut a soul to squeeze. At the moment Happiness and I are idling away a few merry hours together. I am blissfully free and worryless. I can still see the demons from the corner of my eye though - my colourful vision is blackened at the edges - like when you antiqueify a piece of paper for a school project, colouring it with strained tea bags and then burning the edges... the flame skirting around the edges, threatening to devour the whole paper unless you catch the flame immediately. Thats how my sadness is, threateningly skirting the edges. Eager to invade, like a greedy hungry army with their weapons raised, waiting only for their leader to raise the green flag.

The Journey with the Blind Man.

The blog title sounds like the title of a fable doesn't it? Well the story does have a moral I guess: Give your seat up for blind people on the train. I had to make an announcment in the carriage today asking someone to give up their seat for a poor old man with a guide dog. How rude can Londoners get? No wonder Mayor Ken is having to introduce reminders about this on the tube. Apparently alot of pregnant ladies have been left standing. Rudeness! Don't people realise? Is it laziness? Have they been brought up badly? Can they not empathise with those less able to stand? Do they need a kick in the shins? What is it I wonder?

The guide dog was very handsome though. It was majestic in a way, like it was proud of the responsibility it had and the nobleness of its job. It was really big, standing tall, protecting its owner. It had big brown eyes, and soft labrodor-brown fur. Do dogs have fur? Or is it hair and then when it becomes a coat worn by Cruella Deville it becomes a fur coat? The only scary things were the claws. Ouch.

SubhanAllah there's a cute book about animas for kids by Harun Yahya, including the amazingness of dogs. Its a bit in your face dawah but cute nonetheless.

Insulting Jews on the Sabbath

If 10 is Happy and 0 is Sad and -10 is Depressed and -20 is Suicidal, I'm around -12.

I find people irritating. Irritating to the extent of wanting to push them to the floor and rub their smug little faces in pig-manure. That's how irritating I find people.

In other news:

• I would like to be a primary school teacher. I find children sweet. However, as Y kindly pointed out, I only want to be a teacher because I can then boss about children and be a tyrannical teacher. It's true I can't deny it, but I do find children sweet.

• My glory has been cruelly snatched from me. In Waterstone's I spotted a book written by a British Pakistani and on the back it was described as 'reminiscent of Adrian Mole'. Grr, how dare they take my title from me like that. To make matters worse it was a terrible, dull book full of cliches and a terrible writing style. It had stale jokes in it featuring 'No Irish and No Coloureds' signs etc. I must release my book quickly before the spotlight moves on from Muslim communities to another alien species, like .. well we've already exterminated the Jews, currently slaughtering Muslims, demonised the Blacks.... I think next will be Chinese as they are the next big 'threat'. It's difficult to pick on the Chinese as they are such a introverted and non-political group in the UK but they can't hide their dog-eating tendencies for long. Yes, indeed, the cloth will soon expose their rotting bound feet. You will notice this trend already starting with them being labelled as carbon-criminals in the run up to Beijing 2008. Oh god, lets not get started on the Olympics, I want to emigrate for the 4 years the media will go on harping about it.

• I accidentally made an anti-Semitic remark to a Jewish person. Wait for it... in a Synagogue! On Sabbath! Sheeshus! How could I have done that you ask! Oh my, I cringe just thinking about it. How terrible terrible. I am a bad gentile indeed. It happened thus: Somebody (who shall remain unnamed but truly shamed) told me what the Hebrew words for The Holocaust were Shoah Tax. This is the Knowledge I shared with my Jewish friend at last Saturday's service. Little did I know that I had (a) misunderstood or (b) been misinformed by my friend. Shoah does indeed refer to Holocaust but 'tax' is not an ancient judaic term - rather it is the english word tax! Shoah tax is thus the derogatory term that racists often use to refer to the financial benefit and gain Jews do and did receive following the Holocaust in the form of compensation. She just looked at me with her mouth open. I pray pray pray she misheard me, or at least convinced herself that she misheard. I'm not going there again in a hurry! Oopsie! (I do really feel guilty)

• I met a gentleman today who works for the Methodist Church. He was also directory of Leprosy International Mission. He asked me whether Islam has a lesser focucs on social responsibility that Christianity. I found it a little insulting and a little worrying - surely he should be aware of the basics? But reflecting on it, it worried me to think that Muslims are so so so so unbelievably lazy in this country that a very educated member of faith had to ask me such a question.
  

• I am rapidly ballooning into a ... sack of potatoes. I must lose weight. Fast. Awfully disappointing and depressing. Angry at myself for letting it happy. I want to get a job as a manual labourer or something next so at least I will get some physical exercise. And I'll get to whistle at beautiful bearded thawbed people who walk down the street. (Only joking Y).
  

• I am in need of friends. Dire need. Where can I look?
  
• I am too sensitive - last week a lady telling me she was too busy to talk when I called sent me into a panic, and I was in a low mood the whole evening. Yesterday the girl at the traning course said I wasn't a 'natural leader' - what? based on a 30 minute activity we did in artificial conditions? She was a shorter younger version of that fat lady from The Apprentice. Imagine working with her- what a NIghtmare.
  
• I am addicted to Yoghurt and Apricot Eat Natural Bars. Perhaps this is related to my ballooning issue.
• I met the most wonderful old ladies at a mosque last week. They were SO sweet! And interesting and kind. Yes.. you've guessed it - they weren't Muslim/ They were Christian visitors. Wow I'm hating on Muslims alot today. I can't help it- they make me sick.